899 Brene Brown: Create True Belonging and Heal the World

I was so shocked to learn in the research that the opposite of belonging is fitting in. Because fitting in is assessing a group of people and thinking, 'Who do I need to be? What do I need to say? What do I need to wear? How do I need to act?' and changing who you are. And true belonging never asks us to change who we are; it demands that we be who we are.

I feel like I belong everywhere I go, no matter where it is or who I'm with, as long as I never betray myself. And the minute I become who you want me to be in order to fit in and make sure people like me is the moment I no longer belong anywhere.

Vulnerability is not weakness; it's about the willingness to show up and be seen when you can't control the outcome, and it is actually our greatest measure of courage. So, show up in an authentic way and let us see your hearts—because we know how lonely you actually are.

I believe this with my whole heart: I believe that 99.9% of parents are truly waking up every day and doing the very best they can with what they have.

Discomfort is the great enemy of courage ... Choose courage over comfort because you can't have both. And if you're think you're being brave and you're super comfortable, you're not being that brave.

We have a rule at our house that, no matter what, you belong here. No matter how goofy, awkward, afraid, wrong, doesn't matter, you belong here. And so, I think when we give our kids a platform like that at home, it gives them the courage to take risks outside of home.

If you look at leadership—whether you're in an organization, leading a country, leading a family as a parent—one of the cheapest, easiest ways to lead is to give people someone to hate and blame for own your misery.

For the first time ever, the problems that challenge us... are problems that will not be solved with national solutions. They are global problems that require global solutions and collaboration And for a lot of people, that's really scary.

First of all, I think the one thing I've learned in my research above all else is that, in the absence of love and belonging, there's always suffering.

My parents, they taught me the best thing about parenting that anyone, I think, could ever know, which is it doesn't end when your kids leave.

There's only two kinds of kids you raise: kids who will ask for help when they need it or kids who won't. And that's as good as it gets—is to raise a kid who will ask for help.

Vulnerability is defined as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. Can you name one act of courage that you've ever been involved in or that you've ever even witnessed that did not involve uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure?

You cannot be a courageous leader if you're not vulnerable, if you're not willing to have hard, uncomfortable conversations, give hard feedback, receive hard feedback.

What I've learned in doing the research on belonging is that belonging is being a part of something bigger than yourself, but it's also the courage to stand alone and to belong to yourself above all else.

People defend their parenting like they're defending their lives because it's such a shame minefield.

Vulnerability is... It's uncertainty. It's not knowing but doing it anyway because it's the brave thing to do.

We can't ever get rid of shame. What we can do is develop resilience to shame.